The term "happy" is relative to when it happened in my life, its context, and based on what I know now that I didn't know then. I was thinking I was happy when I lived off-campus with my then fiancé. Between junior and senior year of college, we lived together in an apartment not far from campus and both worked at the college's audiovisual department. I worked the desk. He ran equipment all over the campus. It was 1977. Yeah, that was happiness but it wasn't reality. Not really.
I can't describe myself as "happy" at my wedding to my first husband...nor my second for that matter. More that I was relieved to once again not be living with my parents and subject to my sister's overreach into my life. Getting married put up that wall for me. So again, in this case, I was happy to be relieved of the control of my family.
I was happy when my children were born, both my loves who came through me to this world. That happened in 1985 and 1989. They are pure souls who love fiercely and loyally. I am blessed by them in so many ways. This kind of happiness permeates the outer layer of feelings and settles in for the long haul if a person is lucky. I am lucky.
There is a period in my life when I know I was blinded by the need for rescue after leaving my first marriage. I didn't know the man. I mean, I did as far as some things were concerned and I thought I could live with that but I didn't know about his and his family's history with alcoholism. That man married me even with my two kids. I was working. We each contributed. Funny thing about alcoholism is that you don't see it when you're drinking with them. You only see it when you stop. Seemingly rescued but not in the long run.
In the midst of all of that, I worked. I moved up in my career and reached my end goal. It fulfilled the part of me that needed to prove to myself that everyone was wrong. I was not stupid. So I was always happy when my hard work proved my worth.
I am probably the happiest in my life right now. Retired. Involved in my community. Working at the lighthouse and museum in my town as a programs coordinator. Mostly though, the happiness is because of my final husband. We co-exist wonderfully and each allows the other grace to be who they are...within reason, of course...and support them in all ways possible.
There is another part of the size of my happiness and that is fiscal security. I worked hard in my career and made moves that others questioned as far as taking a job out of state and moving and then going for opportunities in the Washington DC region. I did it though and, as a result, I should have a decent pension coming my way. Once I finally find out what my monthly pension payment will be, now THAT will be the happiest moment in my life.
Like I said, "happiness" is relative.