Day 160 - April 9, 2026

The term "happy" is relative to when it happened in my life, its context, and based on what I know now that I didn't know then. I was thinking I was happy when I lived off-campus with my then fiancé. Between junior and senior year of college, we lived together in an apartment not far from campus and both worked at the college's audiovisual department. I worked the desk. He ran equipment all over the campus. It was 1977. Yeah, that was happiness but it wasn't reality. Not really.

I can't describe myself as "happy" at my wedding to my first husband...nor my second for that matter. More that I was relieved to once again not be living with my parents and subject to my sister's overreach into my life. Getting married put up that wall for me. So again, in this case, I was happy to be relieved of the control of my family.

I was happy when my children were born, both my loves who came through me to this world. That happened in 1985 and 1989. They are pure souls who love fiercely and loyally. I am blessed by them in so many ways. This kind of happiness permeates the outer layer of feelings and settles in for the long haul if a person is lucky. I am lucky.

There is a period in my life when I know I was blinded by the need for rescue after leaving my first marriage. I didn't know the man. I mean, I did as far as some things were concerned and I thought I could live with that but I didn't know about his and his family's history with alcoholism. That man married me even with my two kids. I was working. We each contributed. Funny thing about alcoholism is that you don't see it when you're drinking with them. You only see it when you stop. Seemingly rescued but not in the long run.

In the midst of all of that, I worked. I moved up in my career and reached my end goal. It fulfilled the part of me that needed to prove to myself that everyone was wrong. I was not stupid. So I was always happy when my hard work proved my worth.

I am probably the happiest in my life right now. Retired. Involved in my community. Working at the lighthouse and museum in my town as a programs coordinator. Mostly though, the happiness is because of my final husband. We co-exist wonderfully and each allows the other grace to be who they are...within reason, of course...and support them in all ways possible.

There is another part of the size of my happiness and that is fiscal security. I worked hard in my career and made moves that others questioned as far as taking a job out of state and moving and then going for opportunities in the Washington DC region. I did it though and, as a result, I should have a decent pension coming my way. Once I finally find out what my monthly pension payment will be, now THAT will be the happiest moment in my life.

Like I said, "happiness" is relative.

Day 143 - March 23, 2026

Five days beyond my seventh decade and people ask, “How does it feel?”

·      Physically...my body has aches it didn’t use to. Joints forecast the weather.

·      Energy is focused on self-care: I pick what matters, rest without guilt, and say “no” more often.

·      Curiosity and a desire to learn remains, but it’s intentional:

·      Each morning, my gentle, and steady routine, eases me into that day’s schedule and the end of day routine unwinds me so rest will allow me time to fold into my Self.

70 is so far, so good.  Everything is on track and no complaints yet.

I’ll let you know.

Day 130 - March 9, 2026

I’m trying to find my way into this new life while making sure I’m choosing things for the right reasons. 

Years of familial and social unacceptance guides a person who wants the feel good of being wanted, respected, or otherwise to make choices out of guilt or with the hope that by making a particular choice, you’ve made someone happy and because of that, they will love or even just like you.

I don’t feel a need to do that anymore.  Everyone from my family of origin or even past friends or loves that I wanted to want me are now gone. 

I admit to a type of grief because any hope...even the miniscule kind...of reconnecting is no longer looking back at me through the mirror of my life.

Where I am in life now is a good place.  A calm place within the world that our home allows us to create.

The place where we live is one of community and while societal norms of whether we are native...homegrown...blessed to have experienced this town from an early age... or, like us, those who settled here a mere 18 years ago, there is a central value of the importance of loving service exuded from those in my orbit. 

And I am grateful.

DAY 113 - February 21, 2026

Up until now, I have liked the idea of buying books, but I couldn’t bring myself to sit still and read them.

I also have liked the idea of a new journal or sketch book, but I failed to fill their pages.

They triggered and fueled my internal satisfaction center until the new were put with the others in wait of my action.

So many. So many. Years of books, journals, sketchbooks.

Unread…or the beginnings read but the book never finished.

Unmarked...or some pages dated and filled with words but not many.

Throughout my life, I’ve experienced pockets of light during which I produced written or made treasures.

As is with life though, what needed to be done to exist and survive was a higher priority than taking time to self-care through words or my hands.

Now, after almost if not more than 40 years working myself up a ladder of opportunities amid all kinds of personal chaos, I am transitioning as I release a large slice of my life’s identity.

It’s not been that long…113 days as of today.

From my ego base, it’s a heart tug to let go of who my job gave me the opportunity to be but then again, it’s 40 hours in my week that are now mine.

From the fiscal perspective, it’s a change accompanied by a reality that logically requires me to reimagine need versus want.

I don’t drink, smoke, or gamble.

Saying that, I believe that it is reasonable for me to indulge in new books, journals, and sketchbooks on occasion. 

Occasion being the relative term and so much to unpack.

Reflections From the Third Floor RSS

tags: retirement, transition

Introduction

This blog is my personal space for reflections, creative experiments, and shared practice.

I publish essays and journal-style posts about life, process, and the ideas behind my work, alongside galleries of sketches, finished pieces, and behind-the-scenes progress.

Every post is an invitation to comment, try a prompt, share your work, or join a collaboration—creating a small, open community grounded in curiosity and authenticity.